The etiquette expert Linda Kaiser explains in the interview-why directness in Germany it is considered polite and gives you tips on how you should in an international round behavior.
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Behave Yourself! About the pitfalls of German manners
Excuse me, please!
When or if you ask a foreign Person to an information, a “Sorry to shock you!”. Or in short version of “excuse me”. We would like to apologize for minor incidents, one hears often a simple “Sorry”. Germans use the English word, but rather informal and not so excessive as in many English-speaking countries.
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Behave Yourself! About the pitfalls of German manners
Hands pressure
German type so often the Hand that it comes almost as a national sport. For the use of the handshake comes when you first Meet with an official congratulations or to the Contract seal. German shake but also just to welcome the Hand, or to congratulate for his birthday. Even children give sometimes to each other.
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Behave Yourself! About the pitfalls of German manners
Kiss or hug?
It is an informal or personal, follow on the Handshake, even a kiss – sometimes one, sometimes two. But this is really only possible if you know well. Since the cheek kiss, as known also from France, with a handshake are combined, they act more formally. In the enjoyment of an embrace, however, only close friends and family.
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Behave Yourself! About the pitfalls of German manners
You? Or You?
The personal form of address depends on in Germany, whether you met formally or privately. Basically, you will be addressed with a polite “you”, in contrast to the universal “you” in English. The informal “You”, in a private environment to use, but only among peers, or Younger. Because older people, it’s not even here – to the “You” is offered.
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Behave Yourself! About the pitfalls of German manners
“Who’s there?”
The polite “you” also comes from the Phone to use. First, introduce yourself: “Good day, my Name is not be surprised…”, Therefore, please, if the party answers with a “Hello?” the receiver, but also with full name introductions. Practical! So you know immediately whether you have chosen the correct number.
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Behave Yourself! About the pitfalls of German manners
Knock, knock
The door knocker to announce their arrival, did not invent the Germans, certainly. But they have their own Nuance. You knock on a door, wait until the residents of these opens. You wait but, for example, in a treatment room at the doctor, so this knocks briefly and enters immediately the room. Similar knock behavior also shows some of the office colleague.
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Behave Yourself! About the pitfalls of German manners
Say it with flowers…
German make like gifts, especially when they are invited. Then you bring the host like a bottle of wine, box of chocolates or a bouquet of flowers. The latter is not often used, even when you know particularly well. For example, as a thank you or as a birthday gift.
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Behave Yourself! About the pitfalls of German manners
The discovery of the punctuality
Punctuality is probably Germany’s most famous export and a Must-have for formal Meetings and meetings. In the private environment of friends, to forgive the one or the other of Tardiness. Who is late for longer than 15 minutes is considered rude. Then you should announce dear once via a phone call or text message for the delay and in advance apologize.
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Behave Yourself! About the pitfalls of German manners
You stay out there!
German take off your shoes – of course only in the private circle, for example, in the case of house visit. Then the kicks back will remain the same in the entrance area or if it is outside, just mushy and wet on the Mat in front of the door. So be sure to the right choice of socks. In the meantime, the master of the house is happy to have his apartment then do not clean.
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Behave Yourself! About the pitfalls of German manners
Home feelings
As soon as the German to come home, slip a Pair of shoes to the next – and in your Slippers. This Ritual has two components. The floors stay clean. On the other, the Slippers for the feeling to feel at home. German with even take, especially if you have children, your Slippers and show your respect for your host.
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Behave Yourself! About the pitfalls of German manners
Table manners
During the meal, the hands (not the elbows) on the table is considered polite. In addition, fork and knife have a clear role: The fork belongs in the left hand and the knife in the right Hand. The wine glass should be held by the stem, then it sounds like the Trigger better.
-
Behave Yourself! About the pitfalls of German manners
Cutlery has to be in order
It makes the food a break, so the fork on the plate to the diagonal is set to the left and the knife to diagonally to the right below, that is to say, the fork 8 and the knife at 4 o’clock. The message is clear: Here the food goes further. It is, however, tired of slipping the fork to the knife, see picture. So the waiter knows nothing more.
-
Behave Yourself! About the pitfalls of German manners
Say it with style
Germans have a concise expression for the joint food start. Instead of a bulky “Enjoy your meal”, as it is in English commonly, it is called here in short “Good appetite”. The a easily and gladly on the lips.
-
Behave Yourself! About the pitfalls of German manners
Excuse me, please!
When or if you ask a foreign Person to an information, a “Sorry to shock you!”. Or in short version of “excuse me”. We would like to apologize for minor incidents, one hears often a simple “Sorry”. Germans use the English word, but rather informal and not so excessive as in many English-speaking countries.
-
Behave Yourself! About the pitfalls of German manners
Hands pressure
German type so often the Hand that it comes almost as a national sport. For the use of the handshake comes when you first Meet with an official congratulations or to the Contract seal. German shake but also just to welcome the Hand, or to congratulate for his birthday. Even children give sometimes to each other.
-
Behave Yourself! About the pitfalls of German manners
Kiss or hug?
It is an informal or personal, follow on the Handshake, even a kiss – sometimes one, sometimes two. But this is really only possible if you know well. Since the cheek kiss, as known also from France, with a handshake are combined, they act more formally. In the enjoyment of an embrace, however, only close friends and family.
-
Behave Yourself! About the pitfalls of German manners
You? Or You?
The personal form of address depends on in Germany, whether you met formally or privately. Basically, you will be addressed with a polite “you”, in contrast to the universal “you” in English. The informal “You”, in a private environment to use, but only among peers, or Younger. Because older people, it’s not even here – to the “You” is offered.
-
Behave Yourself! About the pitfalls of German manners
“Who’s there?”
The polite “you” also comes from the Phone to use. First, introduce yourself: “Good day, my Name is not be surprised…”, Therefore, please, if the party answers with a “Hello?” the receiver, but also with full name introductions. Practical! So you know immediately whether you have chosen the correct number.
-
Behave Yourself! About the pitfalls of German manners
Knock, knock
The door knocker to announce their arrival, did not invent the Germans, certainly. But they have their own Nuance. You knock on a door, wait until the residents of these opens. You wait but, for example, in a treatment room at the doctor, so this knocks briefly and enters immediately the room. Similar knock behavior also shows some of the office colleague.
-
Behave Yourself! About the pitfalls of German manners
Say it with flowers…
German make like gifts, especially when they are invited. Then you bring the host like a bottle of wine, box of chocolates or a bouquet of flowers. The latter is not often used, even when you know particularly well. For example, as a thank you or as a birthday gift.
-
Behave Yourself! About the pitfalls of German manners
The discovery of the punctuality
Punctuality is probably Germany’s most famous export and a Must-have for formal Meetings and meetings. In the private environment of friends, to forgive the one or the other of Tardiness. Who is late for longer than 15 minutes is considered rude. Then you should announce dear once via a phone call or text message for the delay and in advance apologize.
-
Behave Yourself! About the pitfalls of German manners
You stay out there!
German take off your shoes – of course only in the private circle, for example, in the case of house visit. Then the kicks back will remain the same in the entrance area or if it is outside, just mushy and wet on the Mat in front of the door. So be sure to the right choice of socks. In the meantime, the master of the house is happy to have his apartment then do not clean.
-
Behave Yourself! About the pitfalls of German manners
Home feelings
As soon as the German to come home, slip a Pair of shoes to the next – and in your Slippers. This Ritual has two components. The floors stay clean. On the other, the Slippers for the feeling to feel at home. German with even take, especially if you have children, your Slippers and show your respect for your host.
-
Behave Yourself! About the pitfalls of German manners
Table manners
During the meal, the hands (not the elbows) on the table is considered polite. In addition, fork and knife have a clear role: The fork belongs in the left hand and the knife in the right Hand. The wine glass should be held by the stem, then it sounds like the Trigger better.
-
Behave Yourself! About the pitfalls of German manners
Cutlery has to be in order
It makes the food a break, so the fork on the plate to the diagonal is set to the left and the knife to diagonally to the right below, that is to say, the fork 8 and the knife at 4 o’clock. The message is clear: Here the food goes further. It is, however, tired of slipping the fork to the knife, see picture. So the waiter knows nothing more.
-
Behave Yourself! About the pitfalls of German manners
Say it with style
Germans have a concise expression for the joint food start. Instead of a bulky “Enjoy your meal”, as it is in English commonly, it is called here in short “Good appetite”. The a easily and gladly on the lips.
DW: the Emperor’s wife, to explain in our series of “Meet the Germans”, we try again and again German properties to an international audience. This Time it comes to manners…
Yes, with manners more of a British theme.
Why?
Because the British, as they present themselves to the Germans, a particularly level-headed, polite, reserved, friendly and very disciplined. And then you have, of course, also the relationship with the Royal house. Since etiquette and manners lived yet.
But you do not mean to imply that the Germans have so much to do with manners on the hat. Would you say that?
Manners Expert, Linda Kaiser
It is here laughing just different []. For 100 years, we have no king, no monarchy, no official nobility in Germany. Therefore manners have become a social matter and society or will develop faster than Tradition. Therefore, manners are also a German subject, but without an outstanding personality as a Queen, as a role model.
There are certain manners that are typical of the English?
Specifically, for the Germans, so things like punctuality, or direct criticism are certainly comment. So human traits, which are then, for many, a binding, and which can apply a lot of German, although one can not say so sweeping.
You mentioned the special courtesy of the British. Press and hold the Germans for polite?
Yes. Each person is on his way politely. You can’t make use of the land belonging not so dependent, because politeness helps us to get better in a group clearly to get better with the other clearly. That’s why we strive, in whatever Form, to us in the best possible manner and, if you have it internalized because, really, the others look good.
Punctuality and nice Gestures are classic examples of German manners
What would you advise people who come to Germany: How can you behave the best?
What I recommend actually, everyone in every country: to be open, to be attentive, to listen, and the understanding of good manners in society. And then it works, no matter where you are, with each other. One should perhaps also distinguish the following: We now speak of manners. Manners are the tools actually are. The “How do I do what?”. Even more important is actually the colloquial forms are also used Adolph Freiherr Knigge (1752 to 1796, Anm. d. Red.) refers, and which he has described in his 1788 “About dealing with people,” namely, of dealing with each other, so to speak, the idea behind it. How do I join one to the other? How do I use it? And the manners are the tools of the trade, so how do I put these good thoughts and these good intentions into deeds?
You have a couple of examples?
Let’s take the classic example of table culture. We sit together at a table to eat together and to spend a good time together. This is the main claim. The second aspect, however, is subordinate to, is that it takes food in order to survive. Now we have these good thoughts, “We put our heads together to do the community something, and for us to meet and exchange ideas,” and that must be somehow implemented. There is now manners, that is to say: We do not have a specific date, as we eat with a knife and fork, that we lick the plates, that we don’t touch the glass on a stick that we hang up so much on the plate, but only what we want to actually eat, so for all approximately a same base is there and you will not be distracted from the Essentials. And manners are good.
We stay at the wine glass, you can hold on a stick. In the U.S., for example, they don’t do that, if you are toasting. Why, of all things, regarded as polite?
You can, at least for the German-speaking European region, actually almost all of the rules on any substantive meaning or explanations. You grab the glass by the stem in order to heat the beverage therein by the hands and no fingerprints on the glass to leave the body. This has both an aesthetic as well as practical reason. If the Americans do not do this, I believe, no one. There are a lot of things different solutions.
More to read: survival guide for the German supermarket
What do you suggest people coming together in Germany, but different nationalities have? My experience is that the Germans shake very much like to hands. That’s what you do in the USA, of course, but not at every opportunity. You would not make in Japan. What rules are you?
In such a Situation, it is always based on the host. We now have a German host, apply the German rules. That would mean, you would give the Hand. If you but a proactive, open, polite host, then the host walks up to each individually so, as it’s good for him. That is, he would impose the Japanese, the shaking of hands. He would welcome the French with kisses left and right, and he would shake the Americans, facing it, of course.
You said earlier something about the directness: that the Germans have the feeling that they can Express their opinion. As a native American, I experience personally the Germans sometimes very directly. Why is that regarded here in Germany as a polite or accepted?
Because it is in Germany for sincerity and honesty. We are not talking around anything, but to bring the thing to the point and it is accepted fine and polite and in General. But this is a cultural history. We are just so educated and not raised, therefore, we reflect that. But if we have to do with the British, which is something completely different and if we want to establish ourselves in the UK, we need to get to know the local manners and apply it.
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The most Important thing about Small Talk with the German
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The most Important thing about Small Talk with the German
As the German on the Internet or social media, they are also so directly?
The fact that the Internet is very international, many German, perhaps enticed the alleged negligence simply take from other cultures. For example, you do without the Internet, on the German spelling, or capitalization. In English, everything is written in lowercase with a few exceptions. The man then takes over ever like to. But this is certainly wrong and rude, for we now have a language with certain rules and should be adhered to in the social media or the Internet, if you communicate in this language. Or you use ” du ” in the Internet faster. Germany is not really Duz-culture, but we are the envy of always the English and the Americans, the first-name basis with supposedly.
The conversation Louisa Schaefer.
Linda Kaiser as Deputy Chairman of the Executive Board of the German etiquette society etiquette seminars for companies and works as a style and image consultant.
Even more content about German and their traditions, their everyday culture and language you find on YouTube and our website www.dw.com/MeettheGermans_de.